Finding the “right job” is that even real?

I worked for our 3 southern counties newspapers for years. We went thru several buyouts, with no problem. Then last year, around July we had another company buy us out. I had that instant bad, gut feeling that something wasn’t right and that it wasn’t in my best interest to stay.. even with all the positive remarks being made always, “nothing will change” “work is going to be as normal” yet.. within the first 5 days of their ownership I watched them fire someone who was a director of a department, who I may not of on a personal level liked but I knew she was good at her job, she handled her job the way it was supposed too.. it was a shock to all of us. It was a disgusting way to send her off. She wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to her own employees.. that’s when I started applying elsewhere.

Thankfully, I did.. in a bitter sweet way there was not a “perfect ending” to this situation. I found a job with a company I initially was ecstatic to be  apart of, I was leaving the “print advertising” to go to “online advertising” the pay was shit, so was the commission but it was so close to home.. I was there for almost a year. I do not like “job hopping” or it appearing that way on my resume more then anything. I like to learn my job, be the best at it and be able to go how an feel accomplished.
Well.. she changed my position. Changed what I was doing, I still stayed. The final straw was that I was unhappy, I was working even when I got home because she was so demanding with sales, that I ended up taking another job. I felt that relief again, until this new position was a type of job I’ve never had any experience in, I was eager to be trained.. but that is where that company failed. I was thrown into it, no training, no assistance. I was expected to write up 200+ page government proposals on an industry I was so unexperienced in.  I expressed to my boss that I felt I was falling behind, that I feared not having this experience or training was hindering me from working on anything. It was all ignored.. that’s when it got personal for me. My anxiety has never been an issue when it came to work, I was used to having deadlines, stress, all of it. But this I felt like I was digging my own grave because I could picture months later me still walking around not even the slightest bit in the loop on what my job was, so again.. the job hunting started, this began to hurt my ego itself.. here I am, 25.. I didn’t picture myself “hunting for jobs” still, I had pictured being settled somewhere, advancing within the company, an it seemed that each job I had, I was furthering myself from that hope. I took the position first because the money was unreal, which should of flagged something wasn’t right here.. I put money before my confidence in if I was capable of handling the position, I was sure with training I would be, but again, time after time my request for training was brushed aside.. after a month an a half, I knew what I had to do, start hunting for another job yet again.

So that is what I did, I found another job, the pay was ok, there was things stated such as vacation, paid time off, benefits. So I thought to myself “I can do this” she mentioned her husband and her ran the company, both did estimates on painting homes. I was to run the entire office, no one else there to manage phones, no one there to help do any of it – no problem. I handled it all, my breaking point was they began arguing as husband and wife along with being owners of the same business, I started getting put in the middle, I was always being micromanaged, I put up with it all. Then a few weeks in, I watched them fire someone so abruptly that I didn’t agree with she was doing her job, just the contradicting they did made it seem as if she wasn’t. So it then really was just me in the office. No matter if I following there SOP list to a T I still was someone needing to do this or that, which is expected when you run an office. The female owner, I had almost no problems with. The male owner, was one of those “wanna-be-charmers” who could compliment your work and then turn around an insult in you in “nice way” and you’ll be damned if you have a “conversation” with him, and he pauses as if its your turn to speak, because the second you do say something you get “LET ME JUST TALK, I NEED TO BE HEARD I CANT BE HEARD IF YOUR NOT TALKING” thats when I put the breaks on, I dont care if you sign my checks or not, you need to treat with me the respect you’d want anyone I managed to treat me with. I put up with it for 4 months. Finally had my breaking point, he was making errors, passing blame on me, his wife would have me working on something he completely took over yet I was supposed to get it all done. On the day I gave my notice. There had been an accident on my way into the office, I contacted them an stated i’d be late there is traffic from an accident, yadda yadda yadda – no response. I get there, he is in the office waiting for me, then goes on a speech about in his day – when he was working in the union that if you weren’t there when the whistle blew you were replaced and so on, I let him talk. Didn’t say anything until he was done, I explained that I was not in any way trying to “take advantage of being late” due to an accident, to sum it up a little quicker. He leaves, then continues to call the office with complaints of me, and so on. So when his wife – the other business owner came in at the end of the day, I wanted to talk.. So we do, I explain my frustration of no matter what I felt I wasn’t doing enough yet always being “praised” on how well I was doing.. I explained how her husband was being, how it is the reason most of my normal routine task were not being completed. I then explained that I was beginning to be unhappy enough to start job hunting (I didn’t imply I had any interviews lined up, even though I did) I told her that I had several interviews after work hours that I was interested in, but that I wanted to be sure I brought it to my boss’s attention before making any decision.
Welp. She didn’t like that, told me to get my things and go if I was looking for another job she didn’t need me. – So off I went. Before I even made it home I was being asked to commit to 30 days and they’d pay me $5 MORE HOURLY. (feeling slightly insulted) I said let me think about it, I had at that point landed a interview for basically a management position without a management title – accounts receivable/ payable/ director admin asst. I was offered the position on the spot – just didn’t know when I could start, so I informed my previous employers, that I couldn’t guarantee 30 days, but that I would work until a job was found, that they’d have to be flexible with interviews an more, waited.. no response… hours later I get “if you can’t do 30 days we dont need you back” so I moved on from the situation knowing that this is the busiest time of the year, that they need SOMEONE in the office, that they need someone to do payroll, scheduling for production and estimates – but the relief I felt knowing it wasn’t me who had to do it all for them with how they acted was nice to have. This is obviously a summed up version of events that let me to leaving them, I one, wasn’t giving a notice when I sat down to talk I wanted to see what could be done in my current position before job hopping again.

I start tomorrow working for a HOA Senior Citizen community,  It probably wont be my forever job. But it is going to get me thru for awhile thats for sure.

 

The hardest thing about working these days, is they want someone in my age range however they want my experience to be twice my age, its a never ending circle. I hate that since leaving the newspaper, since the newspaper sold, made so many changes, fired over 30 people that it’s not even the same place I loved working. I am over the “looking for a job” mode.

 

Here is my rant for the day. Thanks ❤

 

 

 

Tired

I know at some point we’ve all had to feel this way.. or I am just one of the unlucky ones that have. Either way, it hit me recently. I am tired of so much, an tired being meant in so many different forms.

I’m tired of when I feel accomplished that someone, anyone it could be the person you love the most, or someone who truly doesn’t mean much to you at all, hell even a stranger – can make that accomplishment vanish? Maybe you don’t understand.. but for me it just happened this week, sometimes it happens every day.. lately anyways.

Situation 1; I had pre-done some task that no one asked me to do, but also I am one of the people responsible to take care of it. Example: House Cleaning – specifically what this is about realistically. I am all about being clean. I don’t LIKE having a messy house however, I also know that I do not always do it when it needs to be done, I am not saying leaving food out or anything crazy, maybe some dishes need to be washed, maybe the laundry is hectic, maybe one of the pets had an accident – whatever it may be. But anyways, I had some extra time, felt motivated and really deep cleaned some areas of the house, without really having to yet but was trying to get a jump on it. I felt great. Sat down after a few hours and though, yeah that’s enough for today good job.

Then, my typically – appreciative, happy, positive boyfriend strolls in.. one thing that was missed maybe, or hell didn’t decide to fool with yet – completely diminished how great I felt – he over reacted, when I tried discussing it he was so in his head and that’s when I knew he’s not mad with me, something is going on and I’m getting the brunt of it.

That’s also when I realized I was tired of that – tired in the sense that I can end up understanding where the frustration or whatever emotion was expressed came from, yet it doesn’t change that I did something – but in his eyes, because of where he’s at emotionally, physically whatever it was because he wasn’t talking to me about what was bothering him, just got taken out on me.

Situation 2; When someone else can overreact, say something unnecessary and then the moment you do, the moment you speak your mind to the same person – your being selfish – or rude, or not understanding. I’m tired of that in the sense that its going to drive me to snap at someone.

Situation 3; This one is more Work Related. 
I am tired, of being trusted enough to run someones company – however when they have nothing to do they come up with these nonsense task or questions or ideas that need to be explored almost to prove that I am working. Yet, consistently be told how well of a job I am doing. Maybe I sound sassy, but this is my outlet area.. so if I am going to be anything anywhere, mind-swell be here.  I am tired of this in the sense that I don’t like being complemented then turn around to be made feel like I don’t fully know my job yet either. It’s like receiving a backhanded compliment.

I just feel like lately, everywhere I turn I move forward so many steps then something so minimal that shouldn’t even be “anything” to worry over sets me back triple the steps I moved forward. I am a decent person, I have my flaws. I pretty much keep to myself, I am a talkative person without many to talk with. I feel like I am constantly being pushed to be in some ways, mostly small ways someone I don’t want to be. I feel like I roll my eyes more then I smile somedays. I’m not the type of person who is ok with that. I am a caring, happy, easy going state of mind kind of person and I don’t like how one thing one moment can completely turn a day upside down.

 

 

 

Ask me how to still order WOTM that is out of stock!

Were you one of the many Scentsy lovers who were planning to order this adorable unique warmer of the month? But you didn’t imagine that it would be out of stock in just 4 days? ME EITHER. I didn’t get my order placed (was waiting for pay day we all know how that goes) I wasn’t signed up to receive the warmer of the month for this month (was a little expensive) but getting to see this about a month early, anticipating purchasing it and then the day I went to buy it THIS… As a Consultant I am just as upset as everyone else that wanted to order one.

You can still order it, but you have to have patience…

You CAN still order this warmer, it is available directly through me on back-order however. It will no longer appear on my website, for now. You can contact me directly to place your order and soon as it becomes available in stock it will ship out.

IF you were one of the lucky few who got to order before 9 am today, you will be receiving a free Scentsy Warmer, with your order and when Road Less Traveled is available it will ship separately.

https://redhotand.scentsy.us/Buy/ProductDetails/39434

M2-R1-EN-SWOTM-1280-v2
Contact me to reserve yours today!

 

~Red, Hot & Scentsy. Independent Consultant – http://www.redhotand.scentsy.us

 

Scentsy of the Month, Warmer & Scent! 

ROAD LESS TRAVELED SCENTSY WARMER

Get hitched! Modeled after the classic RVs that once ruled the highways and bi-ways, this retro warmer will inspire you to heed the pull of the open road..

PACIFIC DAYDREAM SCENTSY BAR

Make your ocean escape, even if it’s just in reverie. Beachy lime, pineapple and sweet candy sugar are sprinkled with fresh Hawaiian sea salt for a scent straight from the shoreline.  

Have you ever..

Have you ever felt.. not like yourself?

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Photography By: Amanda Lee

Not who you once were anymore?
But you know, once you were different before…

Now, have you ever felt like a lesser version, small an frail?
Do you feel like you could just slither by, disregarded by those around?
Do you feel as if you could vanish, into the atmosphere, afraid of not finding the true you…

Then, have you ever woken up one day, and decided to make a change a change in yourself because your tired of everything feeling impossible..

Just decide you are done with the feeling unknowing why you feel you’ve lost apart of you?
But, one day you just become determined to find more positives?
Start cherishing everything, even the smallest of moments…

Because at some point you just had enough of not recognizing
yourself, knowing you were capable of being a better version of yourself?

Then that’s it, you have to start doing everything in your power to work on becoming that better version of you, that version of you that you know you are capable of achieving…

Because I am.

By: Amanda Lee 4/12/16

Rollercoasters, aren’t always a ride, sometimes its a feeling.

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Photo By Amanda Lee

Recently I realized, roller-coaster can describe more then a ride at the amusement park. Ofcorse, I have always heard the phrases such as “life is like a roller-coaster” and when I was 16, I probably could of sworn that I was living one. But as I’ve gotten older, I have realized it can also describe a feeling, an emotion, a chapter in your life and so much more.. I feel like I have been on one for some time now, I have legitimately started to feel what I can relate to what its like to ride a roller-coaster. The fear, excitement, confusion “why did I want to do this” and fun. I try to down play my emotions because I know that somewhere someone is having it far worse then me. But, I have realized, that’s a great trait to carry but sometimes, no matter how big or small what your feeling matters too. I believe the last time I wrote things out on here, I was still working for an advertising company for our local news website source. I left there for various reason – underpaid, under appreciated, plain out rude atmosphere – as bad as I wanted it to work, it was one of those places that the boss didn’t care how hard you worked, it was never going to be enough. I left there for what I was expecting to be that “dream job” I got myself wrapped up in what the money would do for me, for my relationship, for our home, and so much more – I looked at all the amazing benefits, however I knew going in, it was a different kind of company, they hired me, knowing I didn’t have the qualifications that they were seeking, they hired me knowing I had a marketing background, I started – and not one person trained me, no one responded to me when I reached for help, it triggered my anxiety to the point I was getting sick over going in, I was calling out because I felt ill at that thought of going to this place. I have had anxiety for years at this point and normally work may stress me but it doesn’t trigger full blown attacks, I decided no matter how perfect the money and benefits were, it wasn’t perfect for me. I rather work somewhere and understand what I am doing, have the support when I ask for help, or guidance that I will receive it so in the long run it isn’t used against me. So, I gave my notice, they were amazing – I explained the anxiety I was dealing with and how unhealthy it was becoming and it wasn’t anyone specific, no one said anything to offend me or make me feel anxious, it was the lack of training for a position that someone needed to have not only a background in there industry -but also government bid proposals, no matter how much literature you read – its not going to fully explain – or answer your questions even.  So, after getting my things. Leaving there, I had interviewed that same week. Was offered a position as an office manager, it was a pay cut in the terms of where I had just left, but it was more money then I had been making the last few years. So, it was still a silver lining. I started feeling less anxiety about work, it was no longer consuming me. I wasn’t feeling so anxious. I started the new job, and jumped in and understood pretty quickly. In my first week there, the Friday of my first week. I flipped my jeep. I hit a telephone pole due to bad weather, and flipped, I am fine. I have a minor injury in my back but I am lucky – which isn’t even enough to describe it. It was the scariest thing I have ever felt. I was aware, awake I knew what was happening, and could do anything but brace myself. I was in this very odd state of mind, quiet, calm, slightly freaked out but mostly shocked, shocked that it happened, shocked that I was ok, shocked. I am physically ok. But I cannot deny that I lost a piece of me that day, since then I have felt so withdrawn from so many things. Tyler, my heart and soul and I started having serious problems, we’d fight over nothing, everything small or big, we started really working on making things better and we’ve began heading in a happier direction thankfully, we’ve been together for 6 years, I know that I will always have bumps that we have to push through together. Its just the most amazing feeling to know regardless we will be ok, it will pass. We will be ok.

So, will all these recent up’s an downs, a few things I didn’t mention because they are areas I just don’t want to open myself to (even if its just me, if its just in my blog, or my journal, I’m not ready for those topics yet.)

Finally, my roller-coaster is coming to its stop. I am slowly feeling more myself, things are finally settling, I am sure this isn’t the last craze ill feel, however – for now I am going to appreciate every moment of happiness I can. Focusing on positive, happy things will push me to do my best to get that part of me I lost filled.

 

-Amanda Lee.