I know at some point we’ve all had to feel this way.. or I am just one of the unlucky ones that have. Either way, it hit me recently. I am tired of so much, an tired being meant in so many different forms.
I’m tired of when I feel accomplished that someone, anyone it could be the person you love the most, or someone who truly doesn’t mean much to you at all, hell even a stranger – can make that accomplishment vanish? Maybe you don’t understand.. but for me it just happened this week, sometimes it happens every day.. lately anyways.
Situation 1; I had pre-done some task that no one asked me to do, but also I am one of the people responsible to take care of it. Example: House Cleaning – specifically what this is about realistically. I am all about being clean. I don’t LIKE having a messy house however, I also know that I do not always do it when it needs to be done, I am not saying leaving food out or anything crazy, maybe some dishes need to be washed, maybe the laundry is hectic, maybe one of the pets had an accident – whatever it may be. But anyways, I had some extra time, felt motivated and really deep cleaned some areas of the house, without really having to yet but was trying to get a jump on it. I felt great. Sat down after a few hours and though, yeah that’s enough for today good job.
Then, my typically – appreciative, happy, positive boyfriend strolls in.. one thing that was missed maybe, or hell didn’t decide to fool with yet – completely diminished how great I felt – he over reacted, when I tried discussing it he was so in his head and that’s when I knew he’s not mad with me, something is going on and I’m getting the brunt of it.
That’s also when I realized I was tired of that – tired in the sense that I can end up understanding where the frustration or whatever emotion was expressed came from, yet it doesn’t change that I did something – but in his eyes, because of where he’s at emotionally, physically whatever it was because he wasn’t talking to me about what was bothering him, just got taken out on me.
Situation 2; When someone else can overreact, say something unnecessary and then the moment you do, the moment you speak your mind to the same person – your being selfish – or rude, or not understanding. I’m tired of that in the sense that its going to drive me to snap at someone.
Situation 3; This one is more Work Related.
I am tired, of being trusted enough to run someones company – however when they have nothing to do they come up with these nonsense task or questions or ideas that need to be explored almost to prove that I am working. Yet, consistently be told how well of a job I am doing. Maybe I sound sassy, but this is my outlet area.. so if I am going to be anything anywhere, mind-swell be here. I am tired of this in the sense that I don’t like being complemented then turn around to be made feel like I don’t fully know my job yet either. It’s like receiving a backhanded compliment.
I just feel like lately, everywhere I turn I move forward so many steps then something so minimal that shouldn’t even be “anything” to worry over sets me back triple the steps I moved forward. I am a decent person, I have my flaws. I pretty much keep to myself, I am a talkative person without many to talk with. I feel like I am constantly being pushed to be in some ways, mostly small ways someone I don’t want to be. I feel like I roll my eyes more then I smile somedays. I’m not the type of person who is ok with that. I am a caring, happy, easy going state of mind kind of person and I don’t like how one thing one moment can completely turn a day upside down.
MyHeartsThoughtsByAmanda 